I've been in a real funk lately that I just can't seem to get out of! I'm pretty sure I'm having a pre-midlife-crisis, since it was all triggered by the approach of my 28th birthday.
Don't get me wrong...I am INCREDIBLY happy and could not ask for a better partner to spend my life with but things just keep getting in my way...
1) I don't have a job next year...call it the bad economy, call it me not having my Master's done in time, call it me getting royally SCREWED...either way you put it, it really puts a damper on things!
2) Everywhere I turn, someone is getting engaged, getting married, having a baby...etc. The stars don't seem to have this in mind for me, and I get so angry at myself for wasting my opportunity for a beautiful, happy marriage on Mr. Couldn't Be More Wrong If He Tried (this is putting it nicely!)
However...I am not completely pessimistic and insensible...there are some wonderful things to celebrate...
1)I just celebrated my three year anniversary with the most wonderful boyfriend I could ever ask for in the world!
2)I have a beautiful daughter who lights up my days and will be starting Kindergarten this Fall! <3
3)I will be able to take her to school and pick her up on her first day of Kindergarten!
4)I have a wonderful partner and family who loves and supports me everyday no matter what!
5)My boyfriend won a 2010 Camaro from his work that we get to keep until September...so Summer cruisin'...here we come!
6) 27 more school days until SUMMER VACATION!!!!
You are entitled to a pity party every so often....These are your feelings, you can own them....It sounds like you know all of the things that you SHOULD be thankful for in your life...And it's ok to want some things to be different too, a secure job being one of them...As for engaged friends, babies etc...Appreciate your "now"...Everyone is always so anxious to get to the"next step"in life, they don't realize that their lives are going on that very moment..If you have a boyfriend, peopls ask when you are getting married...If you are married, "they" wonder when you are having a baby...Ugh..."they" need to just let you live your life, at your own pace...Don't fret about 28....I always say that our birthdays are "better than the alternative"-ha!.... Things all seem to fall into place when we relax and let what will be, be... Adrienne
ReplyDeleteThanks for the words of encouragement, Adrienne...I've found this blog to be really therapeutic in a way and a great place to vent! I know I really need to let go of a lot of things and just let things be what they're going to be! Because what they are is REALLY GREAT!
ReplyDeleteLyndsey,
ReplyDeleteEverybody is entitled to vent and to get things off their chest. What I like about you is that you follow it up with a list of all the reasons why your life is beautiful. Way to keep it in perspective :) I am so sorry to hear about your job, nothing could be scarier or worse than knowing that ... I think this economy and the effect it has been having on education is COMPLETE CRAP -- teachers are the last people on the planet who should be losing their jobs. The whole system is backwards. Try to stay confident, I'm sure you will land something great. In the meantime like you said, it will free you up to experience some significant 'firsts' with your beautiful daughter. You remind me so much of my sister, who is 29. Literally everything you said about marriage and stars and engagements, etc.... I think all the single ladies I know are a testament to how awesome, strong and independent women have become. We're not marrying and making babies in leui of college nowadays; we're self-sufficient and have set our standards high for a partner. Sounds like your boyfriend is a good guy, and if it's meant to be with him it will be. You can't rush or argue fate, unfortunately. But good things happen to good people, so look forward to better things, and enjoy what you've got! xo
Thanks, Jenn, that actually made me feel a lot better. I am trying really hard to stay positive and keep a positive spin on things because I do have a lot of really great things going for me. It's hard sometimes to not feel bitter or angry about things sometimes, but I think I'm allowed a pity party once in a while! It's funny how we all are from such different places and have never met, but I feel like already, I am forming some really great connections and have a really great support network in all of you:)Take care!
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